The Movie Stealth- Not So Stealthy At All!

OK< before I go any further, I want to make one thing perfectly clear- this movie sucked. It violates me. It's horrible. And it took me years to see the entire movie, and even then it was in small, max 15 minute clips. It was that horrible.

First of all, a look at the "stealth" aircraft:



Gaps, gaps and more gaps. That gap between the engines above might actually amplify radar waves before propigating them arounf the aircraft shell and then out to any receiver. The huge gaps in the swing wing? Yeah, radar reflector. The engine... thing? Opening? No, IR broadcaster there.

And its aerodynamics: The way its wings fold forward to go "hypersonic"? Nope, CoG shifts BACKward when you go through the sonic barrier, even hyhpersonic, so this aircraft would tumble and probably destroy itself in the attempt. That nose? Oh, that nose, would aerodynamically force itself schnozz first into the end of the carrier deck, or the pretty blue waves in front of the carrier. Aerodynamically, this thing is as big as an airfoil flop as are George Lucas' X-Wing fighters. Maybe even worse. X-Wings could at least go ballistic.

The engine shape might look cool, but I see no space for a round engine in that bay whatsoever. I could be wrong, but I do know about the loss of thrust when converting a round column of thrust into a big, flat exhaust like that.

Then there's the attack scenes, where the "FA-37s" drop to within hundreds of feet to deliver rocket-propelled smart bombs. Hey, Hollywood, stealth doesn't matter if the stealth aircraft attacks in daylight, within eyeball range. Ever notice how the LGB footage seems from so far away? Because that's part of being stealthy, being far away when the bombs hit. And yes, the USAF and Navy DO have rocket-propelled LGBs, and they're delivered from even FARTHER away.

And the big solution to bombing the skyscraper with some bad guys underneath it in a bunker turned my brain into an alchemist's delight- all sorts of strange metals were seeping out my ears, nose and mouth. Fly up, then straight down, and make the bomb have a max velocity through the.... I have to stop, it's too ridiculous. And ridiculous here is like saying "cute" compared to what I want to say.

Well, that's the end of the review. In short, this movie has no redeeming qualities. At all. None, it so patently, effortfully, destroys all factuality and true suspense of what a real futuristic aviation movie should be, well, it sucks so bad I had to make words up to avoid a blue streak.

Well, it does have Jessica Biel in a flight suit and a bikini. Watch for those scenes...



But outside of those, screw it. You like it? Wow, please don't respond. But tell your friends to come and check out my blog!

Watch for more movie reviews coming soon! Including" Soar Into the Sun, Red Tails, Top Gun, and more!

Winter Jogger

So back a few years ago when we lived in Wilsonville OR there was this huge snowfall- lasted a few days, and longer than that afterward to get your car out to drive anywhere.

But since my wife and I are both experienced snow drivers, we packed up ourselves and our 3 boys in our big blue MAV (Mormon Assault Vehicle) and went for it. And we did well, of course. Until the jogger incident.
As we came down and around a gentle bend, I saw the stop light was about 50 yards ahead and I began to gently apply my brakes. The temp was right above freezing and there was a layer of wet, shiny ice on the road. As I tapped my brakes I was not only gently slowing the car, I was testing IF I could slow the car. Naturally there was no response at first, then the car began to gradually slow... And that was when I saw him.

A jogger.

Yes, a jogger bolted out from behind a house, across a crosswalk that was buried an inch of snotslick ice, right in front of me, on a collision course with my van's bumper. I knew if I hit the brakes only parts of my van would change speed (not necessarily slowing down, but possible speeding up) and I'd spin into something else, endangering my family at the risk of this stranger who didn't notice the 2.5 ton van heading down above described treacherousslope toward him. So I opted instead to lean on my horn and alert him of what was more his predicament than mine. My wife gasped- she can do that fast 'cuz you know how women are- and as quickly as he appeared, he was on the other side of the van, still running, but flipping us the bird, then pointing at the crosswalk sign, indicating we were obligated to stop for him, and that he had the right of way regardless of the inclement weather conditions or his stupidity.

Well, the point is, all of us were different levels of shocked by it.

"If only," I thought "We had a couple of A-10s over us, I could order  an air strike on this idiot. Come on, it would be awesome! Two A-10s setting up a squirrel cage around this guy, diving in on him and taking turns strafing him into little crunchy bits. And then painting a running stick figure, or maybe a running shoe on the side of the jet.

No, of course we didn't call in the air strike. Why? Because Oregon is F-15 country and I don't believe they know anything about strafing.

But for the record, that's all that stopped me from trying.

Airshows- Who's the Funniest?

Airshows are awesome in so many ways. The jets. And the other jets. Oh, and those jets over there we forgot are here sometimes. Wow.

And if that's not enough, I like to spice them up with little contests. My favorite one? Who's got the coolest, or funniest story.

At this year's Oregon Air Show, we had 5 contenders: F-15 guy, AV-8B guy, A-10 guy, F-18F guys, and T-6 trainer dude

The F-15 guy, "Tupac", kinda acted like an active USAF guy. Tough getting him to... well, talk at all. Hey, I 'm just callin' it like I see it. But he signed my book so that was cool- he was really careful with it, too, when I handed it to him. And now that I have TWO signatures on that pic of F-15A 040 (I got "Pyro" to sign 2 years ago), the personal value of the book has quadrupled. And then he sounded out about how he had many hours in jet 040, but now it was sitting in the boneyards of Davis-Montahn AFB. OoooOOOooohhh... that was cool. But too short, not quite a story, but definitely our first contender.

A-10 guy... Was cool with the facts, and interacted with my 6 yr-old really well. You see, my son said in advance that he wanted to ask an A-10 pilot about the `ole Gator bombs that he saw in a Youtube video. So, he asked the Warthog driver, who leaned over all fatherly-like and answered him in kind. Made my boy's day, but did not count as a cool or funny story. I even pushed him, by asking about all the dents in the `Hog's nose, but he just explained it... a little too tactfully in my opinion.

AV-8B guy...Ok, I'm a closet Harrier fanboi, and I told him this. So we both got all "Cooooool jet, bro," but I got no stories. I even told him about some interview I read about Eagle drivers who got frustrated trying to AIM-9 a Harrier but the wings block the exhaust and all the wiggling and viffing those jets can do... he said he'd been there, but didn't seem to want to go there. Hmmm, felt a little let down, but, hey, bro- cool jet anyway. Dead solid hover to 500 knots- very cool trick. But no story.

The Superbug pilot wasn't even anywhere around. Ppt. No- it was a TWO-seater so Double Ppt.

OK, T-6 Trainer dude, what have you got for me?

So we walked up to T-6 Texan guy, who was doing a recruiting bit with some parents and their son. And their daughter who was in the High School pipeline, too, I think. My 6-year-old wanted to go elsewhere. The plane had no guns, bombs, missiles or anything. But I'm thinking, "Help me T-6 Texan Trainer guy, you're my only hope."

And well, well, well if he didn't come through.

He told me about a great little experience he'd had just a few minutes before I walked up. Evidently, a Mom walked up to him and asked him what base he trained at. He answered. She said, "Oh my son trained there, but he flunked out."

See where this is going?

Trainer dude inadvertently asked, "What's his name?" and suddenly realized that may not have been a smart thing to do, but it was done. The mother said her son's name. He recognized it right away. Because the prospective pilot had nearly gotten them both killed. Well, he didn't say that, but he said he remembered the whole flight, and stated that pilot had made a series of mistakes culminating in one big mistake, bigger than normal, and he took control of the plane and flew them back in a dead quiet cockpit.

But instead he simply replied that there were a lot of candidates and it was difficult to remember them all. Good save.

Not.

Minutes later, the father came up. Father was big and upset. He explained he had encouraged his son to aim high and that he could achieve anything he set his mind to, and he wanted a personal explanation about why his first born son had been flunked out of pilot training.

Now, T-6 trainer dude was not a short guy- some inches taller than me, but he was an older, leaner guy and he expressed some concern to me about this upset father's size and demeanor. But he's a professional United States Air Force Instructor Pilot (with 20+ years on the job experience/thousands of hours of stick time) and explained to Dad why his son didn't simply fail the flight, he was flunked out of the entire course.

Dad wasn't any happier when T-6 dude elaborated by saying that his son could not even re-apply again due to the gravity of his error. Father was upset, but moved on like a good citizen after some fuming. And trainer dude made it clear to me that at the moment it was tense, but half an hour later it was actually funny.

And that made him my winner of the Airshow Pilot Funniest Story Contest.

Feel free to comment in the space below!

A Pilot’s Story

(The following entry is not original to me, and you know how I like my own originality, but this was too good to not spread. It came to me via an old friend on the `Webz via e-mail...)

This came from a gent who runs a 2000 acre corn farm up around Barron, WI, about 230 miles NW of Oshkosh, WI. He used to fly F-4Es and F-16s for the Guard and participated in the first Gulf War.
His story:
I went out to plant corn for a bit to finish a field before tomorrow morning and witnessed The Great Battle. A golden eagle - big, with about a six foot wingspan - flew right in front of the tractor. It was being chased by three crows that were continually dive bombing it and pecking at it. The crows do this because the eagles rob their nests when they find them.
At any rate, the eagle banked hard right in one evasive maneuver, and then landed in the field about 100 feet from the tractor. This eagle stood about 3 feet tall. The crows all landed too, and took up positions around the eagle at 120 degrees apart, but kept their distance at about 20 feet from the big bird. The eagle would take a couple steps towards one of the crows and they'd hop backwards and forward to keep their distance. Then the reinforcement showed up.
I happened to spot the eagle's mate hurtling down out of the sky at what appeared to be approximately Mach 1.5. Just before impact the eagle on the ground took flight, (obviously a coordinated tactic; probably pre-briefed) and the three crows which were watching the grounded eagle, also took flight thinking they were going to get in some more pecking on the big bird.
The first crow being targeted by the diving eagle never stood a snowball's chance in hell. There was a mid-air explosion of black feathers and that crow was done. The diving eagle then banked hard left in what had to be a 9G climbing turn, using the energy it had accumulated in the dive, and hit crow #2 less than two seconds later. Another crow dead…
The grounded eagle, which was now airborne and had an altitude advantage on the remaining crow, which was streaking eastward in full burner, made a short dive then banked hard right when the escaping crow tried to evade the hit. It didn't work - crow #3 bit the dust at about 20 feet AGL.
This aerial battle was better than any air show I've been to, including the war birds show at Oshkosh.
The two eagles ripped the crows apart and ate them on the ground, and as I got closer and closer working my way across the field, I passed within 20 feet of one of them as it ate its catch. It stopped and looked at me as I went by and you could see in the look of that bird that it knew who's Boss of the Sky. What a beautiful bird!

I loved it. Not only did they kill their enemy, they ate them. One of the best Fighter Pilot stories I've seen in a long time... There are no noble wars -- Only noble warriors

Feel free to comment in the space below!

What's A Kill?

So it's been widely advetised for decades now: The F-15 Eagle is the only fighter in all of history to have a perfect killing record of over 100:0. That means there have been over 100 confirmed kills by the F-15. Andnone have been "killed" in combat them selves.

Now, as much as I love the F-15 Eagle, I'm forced to constantly say in my mind... "Really?"

I mean, you gotta admit- that's an AMAZING record. And you see it touted all over the net. So what does it really mean? Or in other words, How can we call this statement into doubt through over-analyzation?

Yeah, I saw the spelling quirp. Just move on.

Let's start out with, "Just what is a kill?" This is important because a kill is not the same as a damaged or probable. In WWII, Korea (a.k.a. WWII.5) and Vietnam, jets were seen zooming off into clouds streaming smoke and fire but their impact into the ground was never witnessed or recorded, so they couldn't be officially recorded as "kills"

In the book "Israeli F-15 Units In Combat" as well as in "Eagle Engaged", there are two stories told of IAF F-15s that got hit- bad- and were forced to leave the fight. One got a stitch of 23mm rounds across its wing and the other took an A-to-A missile up its tailpipe. Both of these planes had to get the @#$ out of Dodge and recover at a friendly base so their pilots could live and fight another day. Many other damaged planes and close calls are hinted at.

So, these planes were badly damaged and forced from the fray. They were rendered combat ineffective by direct enemy fire. Isn't that a kill? They couldn't contribute to offensive actions anymore, could they? No, they had to go emergency land. So they left. They were dead. That should count as a kill.

Welll, not so fast. Let's compare this to a gunfight between Smith & Wesson- armed human beings. If someone gets shot, and they limp or get away, but live, they haven't been "killed." They're still alive. They might not come back to fight. They might. But if their heart is still beating, their would-be murderer is not a murderer, just a really big meanie. An evil-doer. A bad guy. Not a killer.

Welll, it just so happens in both these cases of the IAF F-15s, the jets were repaired and returned to service. Within... weeks. The one who took the missile even got another A-to-A kill. Later in the war. Hmm... going back to our S & W metaphor, those planes definitely didn't die. They limped away (quite smartly at that, I might add- what Syrian pilot didn't see a lumbering, smoking F-15 trying to be small as it limped helplessly away from battle?) and came back, full of mischief, even. I'm calling those.... not kills. But they still shoulda gotten medals from their governments for even getting that close enough to an Eagle to give it an explosive suppository, no? I think yes, give those men medals.

OK... but after I dug deeper, I did find a reference to an IAF Eagle that flew out over the Sea trailing smoke and fire. It was claimed it never landed, and that that was the last that particular jet was ever seen again. So, it was killed- pilot ejected over water and the jet sank in the deep blue. Witnesses over the beach said they saw it. They said they saw an Israeli fighter trailing smoke and fire fly out over the sea, eject its crew member then plummet into the water. Oh, and there were stacks and piles of witnesses.

Only one problem: all of Israel's jets are listed and accounted for.

So, no kill.

Record stands.

Good job: USAF, IDF/AF, and McDonnell Douglas designers.

P.S. NO- THE JAPANESE TRAINING BLUE ON BLUE SHOOT DOWN DOESNT COUNT. SHUT UP.

Where to go on the web about military aviation news and info? Pt 2

Oh, boy. I should have really thought this one out before hand.

So, last entry (I should be saying last WEEK's entry) was about the best paper publications to go to for accurate military aviation news and information.

But, to be honest, every time I sat down to type out a new entry, my mind went blank.

No- you don't get it. It went BLANK. And blank is frustrating, especially when you know its supposed to be a weekly gig you're runnin'. But I was so blank I couldn't even find something random to throw up here.

So I finally sat myself down and realized, there really isn't any one site, or collection of sites, even, that I go to.

Now, ok, there are a few sites. AF.mil... Janes.com... Official ANG sites. You know, Official sites. A few forums, and then... I realized... It's not the WHERE on the web I go to0 it's the WHO.

Official web sites, like the 142 FW's site (http://www.142fw.ang.af.mil/) are about the people- they talk about what's happening. Celebrating the USAF's 65th Anniversary... Welcoming troops home with a fly over... A group of pilots comes home from training some new NATO country's air force... All cool stuff.

Then there's the forums, like SimHQ.com. Youtube channels like AirBoydTV. People in the force or always around it. These are the guys who know first hand above the armchair-XBOX360-wannabes who only know the hype and indoctrination of Future Weapons and other glory of war braggerts. Yeah- you know the type- they talk all turn rates but don't know training. What's that saying? "Amateurs talk tactics and strategy; professionals talk logistics and personnel."

But then, ya gotta keep an eye out. Some sites- again, like YouTube, are made of the stuff that makes the World hate Americans. Pocket Generals railing "USA is the GREATEST YOU #%@%%@!!! I have Flight Sim X and I COULD HOP IN AN F-16 AND SHOOT DOWN YOUR ENTIRE AIR FORCE WITH MY EYES CLOSED!!! #%@#$%@#%!!!" And these guys are everywhere.

But some of the most valuable places I've gone to learn about what the military does... has been the military. Not the electronic military- the carbon-based, organic, living, breathing military. Visiting a base. Yeah, you can do that, at times. The 142nd's Young American Day, for example.

Don't feel despaired if there's a long line for the pilots around the F-15 on display... go talk to the missile loaders. They might not have the stick time but sometimes they know more about the plane than the pilots do. And they'll have just as cool stories, too. Crew chiefs who rip on pilots for breaking their jets, and have hilarious stories about that the pilots that, well, the pilots will never tell... the whole bit. And then there's that guy. What's he do? He files the computer reports that confirm everyone's done their computer reports. And you know what? The squadron wouldn't fly without him. So thank him. Be the first on your block to thank them all.

See? Another blog that went somewhere we didn't expect. But that's how it goes, isn't it? Now, go visit the link below and get to know your local Air Guard Family.

http://www.142fw.ang.af.mil/

What's the Best Military Aviation Magazine? Pt 1

Despite the digital age, I am still hard-core attached to having paper with news in front of me. In college, I couldn't wait for spring break and time after finals, and every other spare time, to go to the library's archive section and get caught up on my military aviation news.

Here are the ones I was addicted to... er... relied on the most for my aviation news.

AFA- The Air Force Association publishes the Air Force Magazine. It is news, albeit pro-force spun, directly from the horse's mouth. Great pictures, great photos, lots of bar graphs. Its the place to find out what the USAF is Officially thinking.

Janes- You've seen their big books in almost every  Tom Clancy movie, did you know they have a weekly magazine? It covers international military news of every kind, and follows military news better than anyone. But, its a smaller publication- no 100 page weekly journals here, so its not that behind the scenes like AFA's Air Force magazine. But its still read by militaries and governments around the World as a sort of newspaper-periodical. Also has great pictures.

AW&ST- Aviation Week and Space Technology. Also known as Aviation "Leak" and Space Technology. This weekly magazine is the most expensive so only some libraries, government and military contractors typically carry it. These guys go neck deep into the technology being developed, by whom, when it'll be ready, and special instructions to opposing forces how to counter it. IMHO, at times it reveals data nigh unto treason. But still, its fun to read for that same reason.

Air International-A bit drier than the above, with fewer/smaller pictures, and more focus on economics and business. But occasionally they dazzle with an in-depth, heavily illustrated article on a specific aircraft or air force. Then, its very, very nice.

Years went by, and more magazines began sprouting up. There have been others that came and went, but here are the ones that
have stuck:

AFM- Air Forces Monthly. These guys are my current favorite. They have the best balance of photography (a lot of it original,

by their own photographers), information, news, and so on. Really, really great. Everything's in heaps. Can't get enough.

Combat Aircraft Monthly- These guys used to be more like Air International- pretty dry. But then they began occasionally publishing in-depth, heavily illustrated military aviation articles, and their sales soared. Now they're becoming more like AFM, with one likable difference- they interview people a lot more and seem to be the only ones out there that realize that planes are flown as much by people as they are by tech, government and economics. To me, that's refreshing, so if these guys keep this up, they'll become my favorites.

Next week I'll go more into digital and online sources military aviation news.